DONE AND DRUNK (TIPSY..)

I know that I've been "done" (with school) for a while now but I just DRANK....

So whenever I'm drunk or tipsy (is that even how u spell it?), I think more randomly, more creatively, or more weird. I was at a bar and drinking myself because I decided it to do that on my own... the sports channel was on and that's also why I went to drink by myself. I watched basketball, football, and soccer. And I just... dislike my life so much more. I mean, I know that I have to make peace with the certain ability and limited power that my body is given, but I WANT TO PLAY BASKETBALL OR SOCCER OR EVEN FOOTBALL for my life. I found myself lack of talent and heart in school but I had my heart 99% on basketball and soccer. The other 1% is that I don't believe in myself because I'm this tiny little asian girl. I look at those players and I see their passion. I HAVE the kind of passion for basketball, but it just seems like this life-time and society and parents don't allow me to pursued in this field.

Ylber and one of my aunt (and i think even my dad) said to me that if I don't have my heart at school then just drop out or even take (a) year(s) of breaks...

All I want to do for my live is to play sports, professionally. I JUST want to do that. So badly...

Vancouver Is Working

I'm back in vancouver, tryna clear my mind and put my shit back together. I will be ready with a better attitude for next semester. I will do better. As soon as my body realized that I was done exams, the following day, I got sick. I wasn't sick for the whole semester, or since this April. I was really proud of myself. Anyways, I'm a little better now. Not as upset as I was in toronto during the exams and after the exams. Vancouver is working. And I just did a 2,000 words essay on calculus for an extra-credit assignment for MAT157, I was in the library for 7 hours, no getting up and no internet. Again, proud. So to reward myself, I'M GOING SNOWBOARDING TMR! STROKEd!!

p.s. I didn't get on to my flight on wednesday because the flight was overbooked by 10% and I was one of that 10%. So I waited, stand by, till 8:10pm and luckily I was the last person to get on to the flight. For the time I waited, Air Canada gave me ten bucks for dinner at the airport, which I got myself a yummy cheese cake, and 200 bucks for the future flight. It's awesome.

Here is a song that I discovered today, one of the greatest collaborations

Lil wayne feat Eminem - Drop the World

(Lil Wayne)
I got ice in my veins,

blood in my eyes
Hate in my heart,

love in my mind
I seen nights full of pain,

days of the same
You keep the sunshine,

save me the rain
I search but never find,

hurt but never cry
I work and forever try,

but Im cursed so nevermind
And its worse,

but better times

seem further and beyond
The top gets higher, the more that I climb
The spot gets smaller, and I get bigger
Tryna get into where I fit in,

no room for a nigga
But soon for a nigga it be on, mufucka
Cause all the bullshit, it made me strong, mufucka

So I pick the world up and Ima drop it on your fuckin head
Bitch, Ima pick the world up and Ima drop it on your fuckin head
And I could die now, Rebirth motherfucker
Hop up in my spaceship and leave Earth, motherfucker
Im gone
Motherfucker, Im gone

I know what they dont wanna tell you
Just hope youre heaven-sent, and youre hell-proof
I-I walk up in the world and cut the lights off
And confidence is the stain they cant wipe off
Huh, my word is my pride
But wisdom is bleak, and thats a word from the wise
Serve to survive, murdered and bribed
And when it got too heavy I put my burdens aside

So I could pick the world up and Ima drop it on your fuckin head
Bitch, Ima pick the world up and Ima drop it on your fuckin head
And I could die now, Rebirth motherfucker
Hop up in my spaceship and leave Earth, motherfucker
Im gone
Motherfucker, Im gone (Im gone)

(eminem)

it hurts but never show
its pain youll never know
if only you can see just how lonely and how cold
and frostbit i’ve become
my back’s against the wall
when push come to shove
i just stand up and scream f*ck em all
man it feels like these walls are closing in, this roof is caving in,
oop its time to raise it then
your days are numbered like pages in my book of rhymes got em cookem boy
this crooked mind of mine got em all shook and scared to look in my eyes,
I stole that f*ckin clock, i took the time and i came up from behind
and pretty much snuck up and butt f-cked this game up
better be careful when you bring my name up f*ck this fame
that aint what i came to claim, but the game aint gonna be the same
on the day that i leave it
I swear one way or another i’ma make these f-ckin haters believe it,
I swear to God wont spear the rod, i’m a man of my word
so your f*ckin heads better nod
im gonna f*ck around in this bitch and roast everybody
sleep on me that pillow is where your head will lie, permanently bi*ch it’s beddy-bye,
this world is my easter egg, yeah, prepare to die’
my head is swoll
my confidence is up
this stage is my pedastal
im unstoppable the incredible hulk
your trapped in my medicine ball
I can run circles around you so fast your f*ckin head will spin dog,
I’ll split your cabbage and your lettuce and olives, I’ll f-ckin

It's the Time of the Year Agian

Do you know that december has the highest suicide rate in a year?

Yup, because not every one likes christmas, not everyone is happy that it's christmas, not everyone did well in school, and certainly not everyone has enough money and has a good year. Sure, not everyone has a good mother, and face it, it's end of the year.

I absolutely HATE winter. I only like about winter is that I get to snowboarding.

I'm not emo, I promise you that, it's just I hate about the holiday spirit. It's not in my life, and when it is, it's fake.

So, fuck the christmas songs.

Correction: I used to enjoy winter and the snow when Leo was around. We used to play in the snow together, good times.

This Semester's Mistakes

I took the wrong courses, which I ended up dropping them, which leaded to lack of studying on other courses, which ended up failing one, which ended $2,000 gone and no returns. But I learned that I'll never put myself into similar situation anymore and that I'll learn my limited ability to do what and what not to do, because 5 course load is a shit load, with 2 300-series language courses.

So next semester, I'll start going to library way before exams starts, I'll keep up to all my works everyday, I'll get all the past tests and read them over way before, and I'll not get lazy. So next semester I'll not disappoint myself and my mother's money, since mostly it seems like time and money are all she cares about.

p.s. if other cats, pigeons, or squirrels can survive the winters, then my cat can do. at least I hope she can.

Upset

As all y'all know my dog Leo died in a car accident on July 14th, 2008 at 9pm. And I thought I survived from his death.

Hear my story, I met this homeless cat 2 weeks ago. I started to feed him a little by a little from some of my bread to a can of cat food everyday because she's always there in front of my yard. And 2 days ago I brought her in to the house during late night, I kept an eye on her (in case she doesn't pee or poo in the house) while I studied. She lied beside me the whole night on the sofa. I briefly checked her skin and body, I figured she was probably pregnant before. The statistic of homeless female cat can have average of 3 litters per year, and with average of 4 kittens per litter. So it makes sense if the cat was pregnant before, but where did her kittens go? And at day time I gotta let her go because my house-mate is extremely allergy to cats. So I picked her up at kick her out, and obviously she got mad at me. Fast forward a little to the next day, I came back home at 8pm after work. She was meow meow and waiting outside of the door. She really really wanted to go in. So due to my shit load of stress and lack of sleep, I made a wrong decision. I picked her up and meant to bring her into my small room. She wouldn't go up to the stairs she was scared, then immediately went to the coach that she lied on the night before. Suddenly, I figured that I can't have her in my room even if I am a huge animal lover and all kind of sympathy for her, so I got her outside of the house again, then I went to sleep. Later I woke up at 2am getting ready to go to the library to study, I hear her meow meow voice outside of my window.

The point of my story is that, it's getting freezing cold outside (something like -7 to -30 during winter in Toronto) and I want to adopt the cat.

However, I can't because I would have to take her to a vet and god knows how much it is going to cost me to get all the tests and shots for the cat. I invested all my saving into my turntables 2 months ago. I don't have that income to have her. And that's one of the selfishness of a human being.

At the begining of this entry I mentioned that "I thought I survived from his death" because after his death I made myself think and think about why caused this to happen? how it happened? what caused this to happen? And my conclusions are all because I was being selfish for every aspects of raising this dog, and my mom was being selfish in part of his life (major selfish), and so was my brother. My whole god damn family is being selfish. The truck was being selfish. The health care is being selfish for animals. Human beings are being selfish the whole time, and it's because we are the smartest and most capable animals on this planet. So I've concluded a goal for my life, I found myself from his death, and that's why I'm in school to get the education that is needed for me to be able to earn a lot of money so I can, one day, use all those money to help other animals around the world. This is the purpose of my life: Use me to help this earth be a better place

But this cat, I can't even help this cat. I don't even have the ability to help a cat right now. It makes me so upset. I cry. It makes me feel like a failer. And I thought I survived from Leo's death, I thought that didn't kill me but it made me stronger. Apparently not, because I've been having dreams about leo for 1.5 years now, sometimes his image at the car accident still shows up. It doesn't make me stronger, it makes me weaker, because it kills me.

New Attitude

I CAN FUCKING DO THIS!!

yeah, that's right! I can DO THIS! I can learn 5 chapters about Linear Algebra in 2 days (or 1 day)! I won't be a pussy, hide myself under a desk and cry. I won't. I can fucking do this! Look at that positive attitude towards academic! That's only because I HAVE TO do this... I have no choice. =____='

This final exam worth 80% of my entire course.. due to missing the midterm. (Sign). I just finished learning 2 chapters in 3 hours. After thursday at 5pm, I'll be free, but dare I think about that. Can't think about that. It scares me. Thursday is so important and intense.

But now Mr. Sleepy is all over my eyes and body... fuck.

Dear Santa

I'm sure you've seen this woman. Don't you think she's just SO AWESOME? Can I have her new album? Actually, I'm a little greedy, I want ALL her albums. PLEASE!

or

him!

just put them, or either one, under my xmas tree in vancouver. Then I'll see them the next morning for sure.

Thanks a bunch,

xoxo

Emma

I think Alicia Keys Is Amazing.

Alicia Keys is amazing. Her collaboration with Hova on Empire States of Mind is simply the best song of the year, voted by me. Alicia Keys is amazingly beautiful and talented, but she keeps making crappy music videos.... why! Her new song Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart says everything I felt last year. I would love this song to death if this song came out last year around this time. Here I post up the song and the lyrics, take a listen, it's beautiful. Enjoy!

-e.

[verse 1]

Even if you are a million miles away

I could still feel you in my bed

Near me, touch me, feel me.

And even at the bottom of the sea

I could still hear it inside my head

Telling me, touch me, feel me

And all the time, you were telling me lies

[chores]

So tonight, i'm gonna find a way to make it without you

tonight, im gonna find a way to make it without you

im gonna hold on to the times that we had

tonight, im gonna find a way to make it without you

[verse 2]

have you ever try sleeping with a broken heart?

well you could try sleeping in my bed

lonely, own me, nobody ever shut it down like you

you wore the crown, you made my body feel heaven bound

why don't you hold me, need me

i thought you told me, you'd never leave me

looking in the sky i could see your face

and i knew right where i fit it

take me, make me, you know that i'll always be in love with you

right till the end

[chores]

[bridge]

anybody could've told you right from the start it's about to fall apart

so rather than hold on to a broken dream or just hold on to love

and i could find a way to make it, dont hold on too tight

i'll make it without you tonight

[chores]

p.s. I miss leo so much, it's not even funny.

To Robert

Robert:

I despite you. You helped my family to get the things we wanted, coincidentally. But you also took away so much from me. You owe me so much. I'm not going to take anything from you. But I hope when you die you will die with guilt.

The day I turned 18, we had a talk. We had a talk about my dad. You told me that my own dad was using dad-and-daughter-relationship to get all our money and leave us nothing. My own dad who became successful, who brought my brother and I more than food to the table to this family, and who eventually failed in his marriage but still kept a sticky photo of my brother, me, and my mom in his wallet. You don't know him, how dare you said that to me. You successfully drove my dad away and made what is this family's to your family's. And you told you daughters that all the money my dad owns were stolen from other people, how dare you said that. HOW DARE YOU FUCKING SAY THAT.

You took almost everything that's most valuable to me from me. You are a thief. You talked into my mom to sell the house and bought a condo with your name on the paper legally. That things was left from my dad to my brother and me.

You talked into my mom to invest in a business that's never going to work. And the big failure of you left me living in a $510/mth place to live in Toronto. I suppose to be ahead from the starting point of my life from majority of the people my age, but you took that away from me too.

No disrespect, but I can't look at you and be all friendly to you anymore. That's why I'm not celebrating new years in vancouver, and I want to celebrate new year with my family so badly.

You make me so mad about my life. Inside of me, it's hatred towards you. When I can't sleep at night the thought of you keeps me up all night till the morning, and I image all the things I would say to you. So here it is. One day I am going to let you know all this, when I'm prepared. The day I become successful, the very first thing on my to-do list is to kick you out of my family's property and out of my life, and if my mom needs to go with you I'll kick her out too. For my brother's and my sake, I WILL KICK YOU OUT ONE DAY.

Emma.

The Playing Field

I've tried to find so many ways to keep my motivation for school, for anything. For a week, the song "So Ambitious" by Jay-Z ft. Pharrell works. And just not too long ago I changed my desktop wallpaper to one of David Beckham's Adidas commercial, which he was writing the phrase "Impossible is nothing" on a glass, with a sharpy. Now, I come up with a freestyle, or a poem, whatever, to keep my motivation (because I think I'm going to fail another quiz... math is hard).

I can't think of any good reason why I want to be,

But I can think of a milli reasons why I want to quit.

They make it hard on purpose,

It is our own lives in our hands.

There comes a moment when it's just more than a game,

And you either take that step forward,

or turn around and walk away.

I could quit,

But here's the thing....

I love the playing field.

p.s. I've decided to bye facebook till I finish on dec. 10th. I'm determined this time. 4 exams in a week follows by a final worth 70% of the grade the next week, yeah... I'm determined.

Good luck everyone,

e.

So I've decided...

Don't worry, I ain't shutting down my blog.

I've decided that as soon as the craziness of school is over (on december 10th), and as soon as I'm on schedule of my own dj plan, I'm going to make my blog mainly focused on dj things and music. That's going to be my "thing". I'll upload my own mixes and sets and demo on here regularly, or at least try to, to make this blogging thing more interesting.

So school, school, oh school. School is hard, I didn't pass 2 of my midterms.... and I've worked SO HARD. And I really shouldn't be on internet and doing all those things that is not anything related to my school work right now, but there is no motivation! Yes, the motivation, it's all about the motivation. Where do I find my own motivation? How do I keep that motivation?

Despite the fact that I don't have a lot of lecture hours this year, the school workload is amazingly overloaded. MAT157 is killing me, SPA320 and 321 are 300-level courses and they are hard as well, ECO100 I'm doing okay right now, and MAT223 is okay too. But I'm really working to get okay marks but I don't know how. I failed SPA320 1st compostion... I failed the quiz and the midterm on SPA321.... I only scored 65% on MAT223 quiz.... and I failed MAT157 midterm........ I'm really trying. Now I'm just getting myself upset. I think I sorta know what to do to improve, but just a tiny little bit of work to get the improvement takes a lot of time in a day. I was a quitter, yeah, I was a quitter. But I don't want to be a quitter anymore. But I'm scared as fuck.

I'm gonna stop talking about school.

By the way, I'm officially employed! Woowhoo!

and I got twitter, follow me?

twitter.com/DJemster

MSN

I have 154 people on my contact list of MSN, and I talk to..... let's say... maybe 20 people? And maybe around 5 people on regular basis. People rarely talk to one or another now a day, what happen to that!!?? Maybe it's because we are all grown up, but chatting on MSN can be still fun, I have fun talking to my friends. 

On my MSN contact list, I don't know everyone because all their names are NOT their names, and every time I decide to clean up my MSN list, I do not know who to delete!! and even too embarrassed to ask who they are. So I just leave everyone on my list since gr.9. A couple people change have new MSN and add me, so I have a person's MSN TWICE. And when it comes to deleting, how do I know which one is old and which one is new? because I don't remember people's MSN base on their ID. 

Anyways, this is frustrating me....... = =". 

Anger

It seems like I can't control my anger, it just keeps coming out. Fuck, I must hate my mom a lot. 

Got A Foahawk AGAIN !!

yay me!

Yesterday I decided to get a fullhawk again :) and with some red highlights. I'll upload the pics as soon as I can :). And I'm back in Vancouver. The weather is lovely as it can be but it's just same old BORING!!! So, I'm going to bungee jump with Peter and Geoff, and hopefully I can get Nicole to come. LOL. And for you information, I'm going back to Toronto on August 30th:)

My Trip to Asia

I've been meaning to update my recent news but wasn't able to get much time on the internet. So now here it is:)

I'm very happy about my trip to Asia this summer, which includes Thailand and Taiwan. It is tons of fun being in here, especially Thailand. In Taiwan, I don't get much of freedom because all my relatives call me up everyday, limited when I have to be home, and asking to stay overnight at their homes. I got 5 aunts and 1 grandpa, and there is at least 3 of them calling me everyday. I don't have a home in Taiwan so I've like being on a run for the time being in Taiwan; I can't wait to go back to my lovely home in Vancouver and the lovely weather too. Just being a home person wouldn't be too bad either. 

Speaking of the weather in Taiwan, it is constantly 37 degree C during day time and humid. Air condition has become my new best friend, and there is no wind nor pools for me to jump into if I can't take the heat anymore like I was in Thailand. Speaking of the traffic, horrible is all I can say about it. I've come to a conclusion, I do not want to have a life  in Taiwan, even though I have a good first impression to taipei downtown. However, there is good things about Taiwan, my old friends and family. They are lovely as they can be, although sometimes they can be annoying. 

In the other hand, I miss Thailand. First of all, I have a home in Thailand. My dad's place is big and the pool is just located an elevator away from dad's condo. Second of all, the temperature might be just as hot as Taiwan, but there is WIND and not humid AT ALL.  Cheaper things to buy and better beaches with crystal blue ocean. I spent a whole day being in the ocean with my brother despite my injury from a motorbike fall. Also, that's when my brother, Hansen, got high fever and running nose which the Thai doctors think there is "90%" that Hansen got H1N1. Hansen's H1N1 gave him 3 days being at home, and dad and I had to take care of him therefore I didn't get a chance to buy any cheap and lovely presents for people..........or me. 

That's it for now, I am hungry now :P.  

6 Ways to kill me.

I couldn't fall asleep last night, so I was thinking various stuff. One of them was counting how many ways that I would die in the future... So I came out with 6 ways:

1) Nature death

2) Illness death

3) Accidental death

4) Got killed

5) Global warming death [if global warming starting to kill human beings, I would be the 1st human to die. I cannot stand of hot weather]

6) Cannot-sing death due to kidnapping [if I got kidnap and the kidnapper be like "sing to me or die!!", I would die cuz I cant sing]

Just some random thought. Very random. 

have a good day everyone, take care.

This is such a touching story..

Please read this story and also check out what her look like before she got shot.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/05/05/connie-culp-nations-first_n_197187.html

I'm gonna be with you

HOLY SHIT IM DONE! FINALLY! 

And on top of that, I discovered a new song! 

It's called "be with you" by Wil Pan ft. AKON!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAA! it's a wtf-combination.

The song is good but the Akon's part and Wil Pan's part aren't quite the same meaning

go check it out on youtube :)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsDuhHa5HVM

I can't study anymore..

I can't study anymore, it's getting ridiculous... and sad thing is that I've only been studying like 6 hrs a day for 2 days for my spanish final on friday. But each half an hour or so I HAVE TO check perezhilton.com or just playing around with my macbook.... 

And also, my hair is growing out significantly. Quite like the fact that I don't have to get a haircut ever 2 weeks. 

Songs:

I downloaded a few songs today while taking a break from studying. They are quite good:) I like. I suggest you to take a listen to them if you like pop and R&B

Keri Hilson ft Kanye West & Neyo- knock you down (many probably know this song already since I'm a bit behind in the music world).

Keri Hilson ft Kanye West- Make Love

The Dream ft Kanye West - Walking On The Moon

The Dream - Mr. Yeah

Rin On The Rox - Torture 

Esmee Denters - Outta Here (produce by Justin Timberlake, Pharell, and more...)

David Beckham's New Clothing Line

It is reported that David Beckham is about to put designer on his resume. Mr. Beckham is collaborated with James Bonds, the owner of the "undefeated sneaker-freak boutiques", for Adidas Originals by the Originals. The new clothing line's design approach was to updated the classic American Sportswear for fall-winter season. The materials feature leather, cashmere, silk, and etc... while footwear will be Adidas style. The two also develop accessories:)

(get it from victoriabeckham-jenna.blogspot.com. thanks :) )

Now here is the point, as soon as David Beckham's clothes are OUT on sell, I will be broke in less than 2 weeks approximately. But other than that I'm so happy :D :D :D :D I like classic American Sportswear and with David Beckham's style in it. AHha!

I'm really jealous of people when..

I'm really jealous of people when..

people put "done" on their msn or facebook status because I'll not be able to do that till may 6th... MAY 6TH!!!!! I'm really happy for you if you finish your 1st year uni but if you can just keep that happiness a little bit to yourself, that would be GREAT.

and crap.. what the hell am I doing up at 5 in the morning...

I[f] Yo[u] [See][k] Finals

I've been awake for hmm... 21 hrs studying MAT135.  The study aid is amazing but I'm an insomniac now.... and still not done every homework but I caught up a lot, which is always a good thing. I had the most productive day of this school year and I'm so proud of myself :D

- woke up at 9am, went to the gym, and had breakfast

- did laundry (still in the laundry room....), and got to the library at around 3pm. 

- It's 6am now and I'm still here.. 

- and I only took 4 breaks during the time I'm here... and I haven't eaten yet since last morning. 

[can't wait till the sun rise, so I can eat... and go to the mall get my laptop fixed and buy a vinyl disc:) ]

IF YOU SEEK FINALS!

take care during the exam season, everybody! Don't be like me, it's not healthy in any reasonable and unreasonable way. 

 

p.s. I'm typing this as I watch the day gets brighter... ironic.

This is amazing!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luRmM1J1sfg&feature=related

From Britain's Got Talent 2009

this surprised me. 

a note to myself

it's for the best for me

The Romantic and Commitment Relationship Between U of T and Me

So let's just to make this clear; I am, currently, not available.

I am, in fact, in a very commitment and romantic relationship with U of T. 

U of T has been forcing me to be in a very commitment relationship that I did not have before. 

U of T has been forcing me, and staying up with me the whole night for the past 7 months of school year. Who can you actually named one?

Therefore, U of T is always here with me to watch the sunrise together. (Romantic!)

And most importantly, I get fucked by U of T everyday. In this case, who needs sex?

However, after the finals I will once be available again, and I'm going to celebrate that hard! so hard!

Anyways, I just finished my 1st yr in uni and I'm very proud of myself :). Also, it is because it's 7 in the morning right now and I have not yet been able to fall asleep/go to sleep so that's a little frustrated. Now we shall all study hard for the finals and then party harder later on.

Finally, I would like to wish everyone a very Happy Easter. 

That's all for now. 

Take care, 

Em

Blood Donation

I woke up at 2pm this afternoon for my blood donation at 3pm. I don't wake up for my classes but for blood donation just to make myself feel a bit more useful. And after an hour of wait, the nurse asks me if I'm on any medication which I'm for my skin problem. The nurse, then gave me a face like I got a cancer or something, proceeded to tell me that because of the med, my blood will be dangerous for small children and pregnant women............

and then I was like FUCK YOU....

I didn't say that of course but I think they should had asked me way before I started to wait. 

It's not that

It's not that I'm not mature for my age

It's that there were so many damages, and the things he said, that he has done to me

so I made up my mind already

and you, doesn't matter if you gave birth to me, gotta give respect.

It's not that I'm a failing daughter

It's that you didn't go through what I had to go through

you never put yourself in my shoes

It's not that I don't trust you

It's that I don't trust anyone when it comes to money

because what happened don't match with what you said

It's not that I play basketball for fun, and it's not that I should give up to try

It's not that I am lazy and can't take any work

It's that I am at where my heart at. It's that I follow my passion.

It's not that I spend money on random shit faster than anything else

It's that I make sure my bank is never $0

I'm very grateful for where I am, really

and I'm very grateful for everything, truly

but you make it so much harder to apologize

I think about the reasons why I am 4,373km away from home

and yet still get myself into the situations that I've worked my way to avoid them

I get it

stereotype and selfishness exist in human being

but you can always try to be less stereotype and selfish than yesterday

so fuck off. 

I have my passion to do.

Twice as much aint twice as good//

can't sustain like a one half could//

it's wanting more that's gonna send me to my knees//

gravity is working against me//

I thought I would never understand//

with all the love that a heart can stand//

dream of ways to throw it away//

I guess gravity is making me to stay this way//

(I changed a bit of the lyrics of gravity by John Mayer)

Photo Shoot

Above photos are Sean and I from the photo shoot last week I believe. It was a lot of fun and Sean's uncle is a great professional photographer and fun to work with ( I sound like a celebrity). More to come with the edited version by Jarry, which he is currently working on them and I cannot wait to see :D. Hopefully I will do some more action shoots with Jarry in the summer because that would be a lot of fun! I'm working on my back flip and front flip now, slowly... but maybe a underwater shoot in the future. I really want to do one. Or like jumping off the dive boards. 

Movies

I should be working on my last paper of the year right now and go to the gym...

Lately, I cannot believe how many good movies I've seen since september and I really like them. Movies such as Slumdog Millionaire, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, The Reader, Marley & Me, Seven Pound, and more. 

I watched Seven Pound 2 nights ago before I went to sleep and it is a very sad movie. I went to bed sad and woke up the next morning sad. The story outline and Will Smith's talent are what make the movie good, although it has a bit of bad reviews from some websites. However, I would suggest you to watch it :)

Anyways, that's it for now. I'm off to the gym. Peace.

Fire Alarm

So.. the rez in u of t that I happened to live in, the fire alarm goes of pretty often. It's not that often.. I mean.. like .. 2 in 2 days... not as much as North (my high school where fire alarm can go off 3 times a day) I guess. However, I fucking HATE IT! It's even more hateful when you only have 5 hrs to study for a make-up midterm, and you don't have time for this. It reminds of me of North tho. 

Taking a break from calculus... here is what I learn from university...

1) Co-op Washroom rocks. 

    For example, a topless chick happens to be there when you walk into the washroom at 3 in the morning. 

2) Doesn't matter how much effort you put into academic, the profs always have ways to screw you up. 

3) It is only 1/100 chance for you and your roommate to work out if you have a double room, and I happen to be the 1/100 person :D

4) DO NOT take credits for any AP courses you took in high school, they are GPA increasers, and I'm dumb enough to get bad score on my AP exam :)

5) DO NOT attempt to get into architecture program if you think it's interesting and suck at essay writing + low GPA, it will decrease the amount of believing in yourself.

     For example, 2.5 GPA is required to get into the program but it's not guaranteed. Students who get into the program have like... 3.5~3.7 GPA (it's just 3.5~3.7 higher than mine).

6) Varsity Blue's cheerleader team or man's sports teams are not as eye-candy as I thought they would be. 

7) If you think your high school is the only place where fire alarm exists, you are just simply wrong. 

8) As your studies get more professional and hardcore, drugs also get more professional and hardcore.

9) If you are thinking to go to a Canadian university, one of the universities I do not suggest is University of Toronto. 

10) However, University of Toronto's engineers are the shit.

       For example, Dee Cee [++] is my best friend of which I cannot live without. I love that thing. 

Hopeless

Yesterday I started going to the gym and shoot some hoops and met some FOBS from playing basketball together. All I gotta say is that they are just so fucking HOPELESS. This one fucking korean guy fucking THINKS he knows how to play but all he can do are some ugly 3pts shots and maybe it's his EYES ARE WAY TOO SMALL to see me fucking wide open in a fucking half-court, he just would NOT fucking pass to me but his buddy. SO FUCKING CLOSE TO BITCH THE SHIT OUTTA HIM. WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GET YOUR BALLS TO TREAT ME LIKE THAT YOU FUCKING SPICY CABBAGE.

I shouldnt be this upset about them because I have absolutely no business about this but whatever it comes to my passion, such as basketball, I can get so fucking angry that the referee needed to yelled at me to stay sitting on my chair during last basketball season in high school. 

But they are still some HOPELESS idiots...!

p.s. excuse my language..

Just want to share with you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfO-IdPAI4s

It touches me everytime I watch it, and I just found out I can do zoology in U of T in Specialist, major, or minor!

I'm going to minor in zoology like I always want to:D

9 Words Women Use

I laughed so hard when reading this, found from some stranger's FB notes. 

1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'nothing' usually end in 'fine'.

4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it!

5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men.  A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning  of 'nothing')

6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man... That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. That will bring on a 'whatever')

8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F--- YOU!

9) Dont worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

5:15AM

I'm now sitting alone in my room at 5:15 in the morning. The weather is so nice these days in Toronto, I am in my wife-beater and A&F swimsuit with my windows open reading architecture lecture notes in this quiet hours. EVERYBODY IS SLEEPING is the reason why I always do my work so late. This kind of solitude is very nice especially in this kind of weather. It reminds me of being in Vancouver driving around in night time alone with my windows down and playing slow music, or sitting at Aubrery Elementary School's top of playground watching the whole Vancouver at night time alone or with Leo. FYI, Aubrery Elementary School and my old house were located at the top of mountain where you can almost see the entire Vancouver. The view wasn't much different than the view in my old room, but the only reason I would always there was because it felt so nice just letting the wind blew at you. So amigos, this is why my sleeping schedule has been upside down since the beginning of school year. 

Yesterday, Izzy visited me :D She didn't seem too happy somehow. I had a great time hanging out with her tho. Anyways, we walked on Bloor Street and checked out a new place for next year. That place would be my all-time dream place for the time being in school - a bachelor suit with patio in a luxury building located in the centre of downtown Toronto for a very pricy price.  I also found another place near school for $660/month included ALL utilities and FURNISHED. SUCH A GOOD DEAL but it's too cheap to be true....... plus the landlord is out of town so she is not able to show me the home.. (WTF). 

Here is the thing, I've always wanted to live by myself in a nice bachelor during university. However, recently I guess it's university and the friends around me influence me... The idea of living poor somehow comes to my mind. It IS the time when you get to experience living poor and not living by yourself because it's not like you are rising a family or we are "too young to live by yourself"...?? wtf, I don't get it. Crappy co-op student housing with shared washrooms, furnished, and all utilities for around $500~$600/month, or a bachelor suit with patio in a luxury building included all utilities except for internet and cable, and unfurnished for a pricy price but my mom is willing to afford.....?? Which one do I go for? 

I hate this but I'm going to talk to my mom about this. And like all the time, she will not give me any answers or suggestions, it's gonna be like we did not have this conversation at all. And then I'm gonna talk to my dad who is not paying for anything but would give me the crappiest suggestion ever because "saving on big things such as housing is better than saving on small things." And then my mom will get back to me with an answer later on that she did not come out with because my step-dad will get in the way like always, and I very much dislike his thought 90% of the time because I didn't grow up with him and the fact that "most daughters do not get alone with their step-dads." SO YUP! 

It's my life right?  

Recently..

Recently, I have no thoughts whatsoever. That's why I haven't been upload any entry lately, but due to my roommate's request, I am just going to say some random and boring shit here. Lol. 

1) I cannot WAIT to go back to Asia. Sounds so excited because I haven't seen my friends and relatives for YEARS including my own dad. I'm leaving Vancouver, I think, on May 25th to my sweet, disgusting, and polluted hometown - Taiwan. On June 8th, I'm flying to Thailand to visit my dad (OMG can't WAIT!!) and staying there for a month. On July 1st, my brother is most likely going to join me in Thailand, we are going to find the biggest party in Asia this summer and PARTY HARDY. On July 10th, my brother and I are flying back to Taiwan. During our visits in Taiwan, I'm not only going to reunited with my elementary friends who, probably, mean the most to me out of all my friends because our friendships are amazing! We are planning to go to Kundin and I don't know to play what but it's a must-go site for tourists in Taiwan. On July 26th, flying back to Vancouver. 

(My Asia trip is not going to happen if I screwed up my school stuff... and the dates are not 100% sure yet)

2) I'm not trying to be judgemental here, but I think some people are just born to be DISTURBING to this world. I'm not talking about their physical appearances here but their personalities, attitudes, and arrogance. Combing these characteristics with their looks (ok I lied, physical appearance do count a bit) can be hell of a discomfort to people who need to see them regularly, or even everyday. Oh gawd, just image getting stuck in an elevator with them... I would just pull out my smoke and chain smoke and chain smoke. 

3) I forgot to mention earlier that I'm working for my dad during my time in Thailand. I want to buy myself a pimp-ass motorcycle and just ride around in Thailand in the tropical weather, let the warm air swing by me and buy cheap drinks. Just tryin' to live my life, dawg. Solitude sounds so attracting to me right now, and the fact that I get to get away from school and bunch of stuff for a reasonable amount of time.  

4) I am currently taking a DJ class every saturday for beginners, and I gotta tell y'all, it's harder than it looks! Everyone can tell who are good DJs and who are not because the music they make or mix together. It's easy to tell right? it's all about how we feel. Doesn't take a retard to figure this shit out. HOWEVER, when you get on to the turntable and start playing around with music, it is harder than finding ∫ x sinx dx. DJ equipments mainly consist two turntables with two records playing (so you can let the musics speak to each other, duh!), and a mixer in between of which has like 10 billions tiny buttons and shit on it, and the mixer makes a lot of differences.  Moreover, I'm telling ya, not everyone can be a DJ. There are 3 other students in my class and two of them aren't the most intelligent human beings on this earth. 

I really hope I'll have enough money to get a set of DJ equipments, finish my DJ classes asap, and get some other music mixer equipments so I can make one of my dreams come true - make music. This is one of the things that I want to do in my life - play around with music and make people go "wow" like a dance do. 

5) Dance. Dance makes me know more about myself because I used to think I'm the biggest music idiot alive but ever since I start dancing, it changes the way I think about myself. Apparently, I'm not so bad at music, ha! What moves to go with the music and what music to go with what moves, the illusion, and the "amazingness" are what make a dance good to watch. Have you ever had experiences when you were shocked or amazed by a music or a dance? I have. For example, I was amazed and my world stopped for a few sec as I watched Kaba Modern's performance on ABDC last year, it's their isolation. You would know what I meant if you dance. To be honest, the reason why I didn't want to continue my education after high school is dance. Dance makes me feel so..hmm.. what's the word here... relieve! When you dance, you can just let yourself go and let your body do the talking, it's amazing. As I get into dance a bit more, I realized that music is the only subject that makes dance possible. Without music, even if you are watching the most brilliant dance routine, you wouldn't feel anything about it. So I thought, if and only if, one day I can make my own music and it can speak to my dance moves, how cool could that be? It will not only make me go "wow", but I'm pretty sure I will be able to make YOU go "wow" too ;P You just wait till that day comes:)

I Loved My Wallet....

Recall the last time I lost my wallet... this is what happened. It was a sunny day when I was grade 1, I got a new wallet. Inside I had a $100 bill TW ($5 CAD) from which I received from my red pocket, a baby picture of myself, and that's it. I loved my wallet a lot because it gave me a sense of maturity, and it was red.  I took a bus after school to go home and the bus was pretty empty so I went to the back of the bus where there were 2-seaters. I sat down, and I thought my little red wallet deserved to have a seat too, so I put it beside me on another seat. I padded it, smiled at it, and then put my hands back on my laps. I was dressed in a uniform: a blue little skirt, white dress shirt, and a red cap. I must be really cute back then, not like I'm not cute anymore but I was probably cuter than I am now. So yup, I got up when the bus stopped near my house, and then I FORGOT TO BRING IT WITH ME. 

Anyways..... I thought I lost my wallet last night at a bar with $100CAD, 2 credit cards, 2 debit cards, BC driver license, T-card, SPC, gift cards to starbucks, care card, S.I.N, and 3 grad pictures of a friend, step-sister, and ex. So I went back to the bar today when I woke up at 2pm, they didn't have it. I called my mom and asked her to freeze my credit cards and a debit card. And then my friend, James, just came into my room with my wallet. I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY after leo's death. 

Why Having Leo Was Like Being On Drugs

"Leo! Let's go!"

He would jog to the door, face his body and put his head as close as possible to the door and then look back at me. I would grab his leash and count to 3 to open the door, he runs in a speed of light out of the house till I could barely see him. If I did't follow him, he would run back. Sometimes, I would lock him with his leash to a pole and pretend to leave. He would, then, barf nervously like a mad dog. That's I know how much he loved and needed me, only me :D. In the hottest days of the summer, the activities we did together were water fight and catch, outside of the garage or in the Aubrey Elementary field. He would run for the ball despite the sun's evilness, jog back with the ball, drop it, then go into the shade inside of the garage, lie down, and open his long month wide to let the hot air out of his body. And then same pattern again and again until he got super tired. I would let him rolls his body in the mud in the summer, I accepted the consequence: shower him. I turned on the automatic water spread thing in the front yard. He loved those things. He would try to bite and catch the water. LOL. And then I would have to shower him...... it's the hardest work of having him, but I loved it. Showering him was one of those love-and-hate things to do. If there were dogs out on the field and I didn't want to go with him to play with them because I would be playing basketball, he would "try" to be social: jogged to them and tried to do what they were doing (usually the other dogs ignored him because they were too into their games). However, he was pretty much a social retard in the dogs' world. He didn't know how to play with other dogs, excepts for the 2 neighbours who he grew up with. He, then, ran back to me, leaned his body against my legs and then walked a few steps toward the other dogs and then came back to lean his body against my legs again. That was his way to let me know that he really wanted to play with them but he doesn't know how and I guessed he also wanted me to be there while he was there too. I could see it in his face, he would look confused, haha. I would pat him and say "it's ok, just go baby". That was my way to tell him I want to play my ball and stop bothering me. And then he would go to those dogs again and then find himself lonely because everybody ignored him, HAHAHAHAaa, they actually ignored him most of the times. So he would come back to me and leaned himself on my legs again. After we moved out of the house to Ashley Grove, where there were a small forest that he always wanted to go in. So he would go into the forest when I took him out. However, my kicks were a big consideration of my appearance, therefore, I would NOT go in with him. I would see, only and nothing else, his head sticking out of the trees and flowers and looking at me. I said "no baby. I really don't want to." He would run out and then find something else to do. After like 5 mins or so he did the same thing again, what a smart ass he was. I could NEVER NEVER get enough of him. After school and weekends. He was my weed. 

Having Leo, however, was not just being on drugs mentally. Physically too. "Studies have shown that human and animal contact, specifically with people and dogs, almost doubles levels of oxytocin¹ and serotonin²" said Meg Daley Olmert, the author of Made for Each Other: The Biology Behind the Human-Animal Bond. "It is run on the same physiology that allows a mother to recognize her baby as her own and want to pick it up and hold it to protect it. At this point, it appears that our pets are the most powerful releasers of oxytocin in our brains and that could account for the fact that when your pet dies, you feel like a cannonball got fired through you."  Moreover, according to what I read from Toronto Star today, a flood of studies showed oxytocin stimulates the cortices that control emotions, quiet fears and can switch off the powerful defence system known as "fight or flight." Interesting facts ai? I post this information up because it attracts my attention today (I love reading newspaper while eating. I'm getting old). I guess this was why my anger management was better during Leo's short 3.5 years and I got less emotional. 

¹ Oxytocin is a hormone released by the pituitary gland that causes increased contraction of the uterus during labor and stimulates (like I would know anyways) and stimulates the ejection of milk into the ducts of the breasts (I didn't feel it). 

² Serotonin is a compound present in blood platelets and serum that constricts the blood vessels and acts as a neurotransmitter (I don't really know what it means since I never took bio class before). 

Here, I post a song that I listened to for weeks after Leo's death. It's good and it's my favourite song by the singer. It's Better In Time by Leona Lewis.

The Golden Man is Leaving

David Beckham has been my one and only idol for quite a few years, and I was so happy when I learned that he was coming to America for "football". However, Beckham will now remain with AC Milan until the end of the Italian season in late May, then rejoin the Galaxy for the final half of [the-sucks-ball] MLS, and then opt out of his contract and QUIT AMERICA FOR GOOD. 

Yes, it's beyond stupid. But Galaxy does suck A LOT and so are rest of the teams on MLS compare to European Football League. It makes sense that he doesn't want to stay. David Beckham is never about dollars. Buying David Beckham is about buying respect and rescue MLS since no one really cares about MLS. After Beckham leaves for good, only Toronto and Washington will pretend that they still care about MLS, and this is not a good news for those rich people (a lot of them too) who invested in MLS. Oh-oh! The only thing that MLS can do now is to reintroduce Beckham in the final half of the season of MLS. 

He always gets what he wants. Only Beckham gets what he wants. I mean, a good-looking face, a hot body, a nice, innocent, and passionate personality, a hot wife with 3 adorable children, money, talent, a good head shape, and a nothing-to-worry-about-size dick (rumor says), what else can you possibly ask for more? Those above things excuse him for not being able to solve his 8 yrs-old son's math homework. He's the perfect man. 

P.S. Don't get me start with D.B, I would just not stop talking about him. 

I Think...

So here are some of the stuff that gets me mad these days... 

1)Azharuddin Ismail, who played Salim in Slumdog Millionaire was ONLY paid $1,000 during the filming of movie and $25,000 have supposedly been placed in a trust that this kid will have access to once her turns 18. On top of that, the director also supplies the 10-yrs-old boy with a $30/week allowance (how nice!) and promises to purchase his family a new home outta the slums for $30,000! And the movie Slumdog Millionaire made over $175 million. What do you think?

Now let's compare Ismail to the British Harry Potter actor, Daniel Radcliffe, who made $250,000 for Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, $3 million for Chamber of Secrets, $11 million for Globlet of Fire, $14 million for the upcoming film, and $50 million for the final two films. NOW, what do you THINK?

sources: www.perezhilton.com and www.slashfilm.com/2007/06/29/harry-potter-star-paid-50-million-for-final-two-films

2) Octu-Mom.............................. What ARE you THINKING??????

3) I've been sick for 2 weeks. Everyday I wake up, I feel sicker. It started with throat hurts, then minor coughing, then SERIOUS coughing (btw I think Buckley's is the most disgusting ateable food in the whole universe, but it works), then sniff nose, then running nose, then sniff nose, then throat hurts again, and now headache. I was too lazy to go to a clinic but I am going tomorrow morning to get check out my sickness, and to confirm if I have the kissing disease: MONONUCLEOSIS. My WHOLE floor knows that I'm this kid who sleeps 23 hrs/day and always tired. My dear Don, who went to med-school told me to get it check out.

GOSH... I want beer and smoke and ice cream and clubbing!!!