It's So Frustrated, the hate/love for April and May, And Still Frustrated.

It is so frustrated. The whole thing about growing up, responsibilities, adulthood and shit. Mid-life crisis? I hope not. First, it's the growing up. Growing up means that you have to look into what you are paying for, for example, the fucking tuition. So each course is $1033 or something like that for a credit. But somehow, the total comes to $1160.00 something. So I'm paying for fucking tuition, fucking system fees, and fucking....?? dental?? insurance?? like what the fuck I don't understand the whole "tuition" thing. I know one thing for sure is that the tuition included something like dental care but how do I use it? and I don't use it at all, I would LIKE IT BACK, which leads to responsibilities because I'm responsible to know what that $1160.00 is all about. Responsibilities mean everything. You are responsible for your own time management, for your own failure, etc.. There are so many hidden responsibilities, I can barely breath. And you know what is blocking my airway? The adulthood. I AM 20. I can no longer quit things that I do, like I used to quit on everything. I quit on Arts, which I used to be good at. I quit on soccer, which I adore. I quit on so many fucking things but one thing I'm a little proud of myself is that I stick with math. Not many people stick with math, so I thought I have pretty good odds, but, no, U of T told me to fuck myself. Well, I'm sticking with math this time around, and my new hobby - DJ. So there is that.

I hate April. I hate April because it's the time of awkwardness because it's my mom's birthday because I used to get presents or write my mom poems because I am good at writing poetries and because I didn't really want to do all these things but I still did because that woman gave birth to me and raised me up but we had weird/wtf relationship because she IS the woman that I would not want to meet or know ever in my life if she wasn't my mother. And now you can probably tell why I also hate May. It's the fucking mother's day weekend. I hate it. Ever since I can remember, I never understood why holidays like Mother's day exist. When I was young I thought all the mothers are the same. I thought they were all witches.

Now, I'm going to tell you the love side of April and May. I love April and May. I love April and May because every night, or at least, every other night there are sports games. YESSSSSSS!! SPORTS GAMES!!! I can stay at home all April and May because of the PLAYOFFS!!! Playoffs are so important that I'm going to bold that word. PLAYOFFS. Playoffs keep me happy because they are so intense, especially when Vancouver Canucks of NHL and Boston Celtics of NBA are playing. LOVE THEM!!

Now, more frustrations. I procrastinate. When I procrastinate, I think that I need to do all those things when I don't procrastinate. Then, when I don't procrastinate, I ask myself why I'm doing all those things, which leads me to procrastinate again because I suddenly forget the purpose of doing all those things. How frustrated is this? huh? I HAVEN'T TOUCH MY TURNTABLES IN 2 WEEKS SINCE I FINISHED FINALS. HOW DARE I? I is bad, I is going to get more disappointment if I don't get my ass together soon. So you better get your ass together and do your shit because if you don't you will be this quitter that you won't even respect yourself.

Period.