I think Alicia Keys Is Amazing.

Alicia Keys is amazing. Her collaboration with Hova on Empire States of Mind is simply the best song of the year, voted by me. Alicia Keys is amazingly beautiful and talented, but she keeps making crappy music videos.... why! Her new song Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart says everything I felt last year. I would love this song to death if this song came out last year around this time. Here I post up the song and the lyrics, take a listen, it's beautiful. Enjoy!

-e.

[verse 1]

Even if you are a million miles away

I could still feel you in my bed

Near me, touch me, feel me.

And even at the bottom of the sea

I could still hear it inside my head

Telling me, touch me, feel me

And all the time, you were telling me lies

[chores]

So tonight, i'm gonna find a way to make it without you

tonight, im gonna find a way to make it without you

im gonna hold on to the times that we had

tonight, im gonna find a way to make it without you

[verse 2]

have you ever try sleeping with a broken heart?

well you could try sleeping in my bed

lonely, own me, nobody ever shut it down like you

you wore the crown, you made my body feel heaven bound

why don't you hold me, need me

i thought you told me, you'd never leave me

looking in the sky i could see your face

and i knew right where i fit it

take me, make me, you know that i'll always be in love with you

right till the end

[chores]

[bridge]

anybody could've told you right from the start it's about to fall apart

so rather than hold on to a broken dream or just hold on to love

and i could find a way to make it, dont hold on too tight

i'll make it without you tonight

[chores]

p.s. I miss leo so much, it's not even funny.

To Robert

Robert:

I despite you. You helped my family to get the things we wanted, coincidentally. But you also took away so much from me. You owe me so much. I'm not going to take anything from you. But I hope when you die you will die with guilt.

The day I turned 18, we had a talk. We had a talk about my dad. You told me that my own dad was using dad-and-daughter-relationship to get all our money and leave us nothing. My own dad who became successful, who brought my brother and I more than food to the table to this family, and who eventually failed in his marriage but still kept a sticky photo of my brother, me, and my mom in his wallet. You don't know him, how dare you said that to me. You successfully drove my dad away and made what is this family's to your family's. And you told you daughters that all the money my dad owns were stolen from other people, how dare you said that. HOW DARE YOU FUCKING SAY THAT.

You took almost everything that's most valuable to me from me. You are a thief. You talked into my mom to sell the house and bought a condo with your name on the paper legally. That things was left from my dad to my brother and me.

You talked into my mom to invest in a business that's never going to work. And the big failure of you left me living in a $510/mth place to live in Toronto. I suppose to be ahead from the starting point of my life from majority of the people my age, but you took that away from me too.

No disrespect, but I can't look at you and be all friendly to you anymore. That's why I'm not celebrating new years in vancouver, and I want to celebrate new year with my family so badly.

You make me so mad about my life. Inside of me, it's hatred towards you. When I can't sleep at night the thought of you keeps me up all night till the morning, and I image all the things I would say to you. So here it is. One day I am going to let you know all this, when I'm prepared. The day I become successful, the very first thing on my to-do list is to kick you out of my family's property and out of my life, and if my mom needs to go with you I'll kick her out too. For my brother's and my sake, I WILL KICK YOU OUT ONE DAY.

Emma.

The Playing Field

I've tried to find so many ways to keep my motivation for school, for anything. For a week, the song "So Ambitious" by Jay-Z ft. Pharrell works. And just not too long ago I changed my desktop wallpaper to one of David Beckham's Adidas commercial, which he was writing the phrase "Impossible is nothing" on a glass, with a sharpy. Now, I come up with a freestyle, or a poem, whatever, to keep my motivation (because I think I'm going to fail another quiz... math is hard).

I can't think of any good reason why I want to be,

But I can think of a milli reasons why I want to quit.

They make it hard on purpose,

It is our own lives in our hands.

There comes a moment when it's just more than a game,

And you either take that step forward,

or turn around and walk away.

I could quit,

But here's the thing....

I love the playing field.

p.s. I've decided to bye facebook till I finish on dec. 10th. I'm determined this time. 4 exams in a week follows by a final worth 70% of the grade the next week, yeah... I'm determined.

Good luck everyone,

e.

So I've decided...

Don't worry, I ain't shutting down my blog.

I've decided that as soon as the craziness of school is over (on december 10th), and as soon as I'm on schedule of my own dj plan, I'm going to make my blog mainly focused on dj things and music. That's going to be my "thing". I'll upload my own mixes and sets and demo on here regularly, or at least try to, to make this blogging thing more interesting.

So school, school, oh school. School is hard, I didn't pass 2 of my midterms.... and I've worked SO HARD. And I really shouldn't be on internet and doing all those things that is not anything related to my school work right now, but there is no motivation! Yes, the motivation, it's all about the motivation. Where do I find my own motivation? How do I keep that motivation?

Despite the fact that I don't have a lot of lecture hours this year, the school workload is amazingly overloaded. MAT157 is killing me, SPA320 and 321 are 300-level courses and they are hard as well, ECO100 I'm doing okay right now, and MAT223 is okay too. But I'm really working to get okay marks but I don't know how. I failed SPA320 1st compostion... I failed the quiz and the midterm on SPA321.... I only scored 65% on MAT223 quiz.... and I failed MAT157 midterm........ I'm really trying. Now I'm just getting myself upset. I think I sorta know what to do to improve, but just a tiny little bit of work to get the improvement takes a lot of time in a day. I was a quitter, yeah, I was a quitter. But I don't want to be a quitter anymore. But I'm scared as fuck.

I'm gonna stop talking about school.

By the way, I'm officially employed! Woowhoo!

and I got twitter, follow me?

twitter.com/DJemster