Work, Failure, And Of Course There'd Be Disappointment. Oh! And The Courgar.

So I fucked up horribly this academic year.

I find some people are extremely lucky that they have found what they like and good at. Some people can do all those things because they can do and the fact that they can't do. They can do economics, math, or commerce, or whatever career that their Asian parents approve. But they can't do their feelings. They don't know what they are doing, and they certainly have no idea if they like it or not. They, just, do it, like they have no feelings whatsoever. So I was sort of like one of them.

One of the things that I found about myself is that I can't do what my parents want me to do. My dad wants me to do computer science. In the other hand, my mom wants me to do architectures or engineers or economics or mathematics. If I told them that I'm going to try East Asian Studies, I WILL get murdered. Wait, hold that thought, I will get cut off, AND THEN get murdered. Because maybe I really don't enjoy doing linear algebra at the beginning, and maybe all this time I've told myself that I like math only because I used to be good at math.

BUT, I enjoy econimics? do I? I think I do. So even if it's going to take me 5 times to get into that program, I will do it. Because I like it, I enjoy it, and I start learning to put time in it. So there is that.

So the disappointment. Sigh. You could say that I lost/wasted/fucked up 2 years of time and money. At least that was how I look at it. Or you could say that I might just redefined success? I don't know. We'll see.

Oh and the cougar that I mentioned in the title. Yes, there was this mid-aged white woman (cougar) flirting at me during work. Well, I didn't flirt back. So then she got pissed at me and you could tell she's pissed. LOL

A Change Is Gonna Come

"[...] nothing remains the same for long. We either adopt to change, or we get left behind."

- Grey's Anatomy, S04E01

It's So Frustrated, the hate/love for April and May, And Still Frustrated.

It is so frustrated. The whole thing about growing up, responsibilities, adulthood and shit. Mid-life crisis? I hope not. First, it's the growing up. Growing up means that you have to look into what you are paying for, for example, the fucking tuition. So each course is $1033 or something like that for a credit. But somehow, the total comes to $1160.00 something. So I'm paying for fucking tuition, fucking system fees, and fucking....?? dental?? insurance?? like what the fuck I don't understand the whole "tuition" thing. I know one thing for sure is that the tuition included something like dental care but how do I use it? and I don't use it at all, I would LIKE IT BACK, which leads to responsibilities because I'm responsible to know what that $1160.00 is all about. Responsibilities mean everything. You are responsible for your own time management, for your own failure, etc.. There are so many hidden responsibilities, I can barely breath. And you know what is blocking my airway? The adulthood. I AM 20. I can no longer quit things that I do, like I used to quit on everything. I quit on Arts, which I used to be good at. I quit on soccer, which I adore. I quit on so many fucking things but one thing I'm a little proud of myself is that I stick with math. Not many people stick with math, so I thought I have pretty good odds, but, no, U of T told me to fuck myself. Well, I'm sticking with math this time around, and my new hobby - DJ. So there is that.

I hate April. I hate April because it's the time of awkwardness because it's my mom's birthday because I used to get presents or write my mom poems because I am good at writing poetries and because I didn't really want to do all these things but I still did because that woman gave birth to me and raised me up but we had weird/wtf relationship because she IS the woman that I would not want to meet or know ever in my life if she wasn't my mother. And now you can probably tell why I also hate May. It's the fucking mother's day weekend. I hate it. Ever since I can remember, I never understood why holidays like Mother's day exist. When I was young I thought all the mothers are the same. I thought they were all witches.

Now, I'm going to tell you the love side of April and May. I love April and May. I love April and May because every night, or at least, every other night there are sports games. YESSSSSSS!! SPORTS GAMES!!! I can stay at home all April and May because of the PLAYOFFS!!! Playoffs are so important that I'm going to bold that word. PLAYOFFS. Playoffs keep me happy because they are so intense, especially when Vancouver Canucks of NHL and Boston Celtics of NBA are playing. LOVE THEM!!

Now, more frustrations. I procrastinate. When I procrastinate, I think that I need to do all those things when I don't procrastinate. Then, when I don't procrastinate, I ask myself why I'm doing all those things, which leads me to procrastinate again because I suddenly forget the purpose of doing all those things. How frustrated is this? huh? I HAVEN'T TOUCH MY TURNTABLES IN 2 WEEKS SINCE I FINISHED FINALS. HOW DARE I? I is bad, I is going to get more disappointment if I don't get my ass together soon. So you better get your ass together and do your shit because if you don't you will be this quitter that you won't even respect yourself.

Period.

Jersey Shore Is Unbelievably Stupid

and yet I'm watching it!!

Well, this is what my life has been like for the past 3 days after exams... I swear to god it's my daily routine.

Sleep, eat, and Jersey Shore.


and my turntables and serato are being such an asshole, everything is plugged properly and yet it's not working like the way they should work! ugh piss me off...

Hi Blogger

I've been busy with school and I finally got my stupid and full-with-greedy-demanding-customers job back two weeks ago. And I'm typing with my iTouch and it's autocorrection for the words is amazing but the touch pad is annoying as fuck. Whatever. I'm not gonna be the girl who blogs/complains about the touch pad or the crappy job.

Anywhooooooo

I'm at illanko's final exam prep session for linear algebra, but it is so boring that I can't focus. So instead, I'm here on blogger. But I mean, linear algebra is really, REALLY hard.

Let Me Give A Try Of This..

http://soundcloud.com/djthought

This is the link to my page where I upload my recent mixes.. or all of my mixes. I don't know. But bookmark it :)

Jam Session

On Friday night, Jarry and Said came over, and we had our first jam session. It went pretty well. We came out ideas and try them and the outcome was pretty amazing. We had 2 mixes. I put them together but the boys pretty much came out with the ideas and they had a lot of ideas.

The first one is Over V.S. A Milli, and the second one is Roc Boy V.S. Baby By Me. If you have time listen to them, pretty amazing.

Over V.S. A Milli

Roc Boy V.S. Baby By Me

that's it for now, have a good weekend:)

ems

In VB's Closet And P.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S....

(image from http://victoriabeckham-jenna.blogspot.com)

Victoria Beckham and her grey zipped skinny jeans and Louboutins.... SO HAWTTT!! (excluded the fur tho... definitely not the fur. yuk)

The one she wore on March 26th is the hottest combinations out of the 4, I think.

I have no idea when it is that I started to adore skinny jeans. I love my black Club Monaco's skinny jeans, what I love about it even more is that the colour black faded away so it's pretty much a pair of grey skinny jeans, and the fade is AWESOME. I absolutely adore them. And I also really like those light light blue skinny jeans and maybe even a white one, although I don't have any of them. Remember I used to wear Ed Hardy and baggy jeans and all getto and stuff? Time to move on!

ems

p.s. I'm going to treat myself a new jacket from adidas original (david beckham collection) if I get the mark that I desire, which I'll know by next week.

p.s.s I'm going to treat myself a nice new pair of black/grey/light light blue skinny jeans if I do good on my ECO100 final (worth 50%)

p.s.s.s. I'm going to treat myself a new dress shirt if I do good on my MAT223 final (worth 50%)

p.s.s.s.s. And If I didn't do good on neither of them, 2 courses in the summer school and be depressed and disappointing in myself. There is no better punishment than getting disappointed in myself. Deal.

A Weekend of Summer Degree

22

23

24

16

I will be doing tons of work in that degree, at ma balcony.

And then I will be like

HELL YES!

And then I will be like "oh yes"

the exams will be like "oh no"

then I will be like "she did"

"she did just rape you"

And then I will have my happy summer break.

That's exactly what will happen.

I guarantee.