Normally I Don't Admit This But....

I'm just gonna be a bitch, admit this to myself, and not tell you what I finally admit.

p.s. how many people actually read my blog?

Shame On Me

Last week, my asthma came back. When I was a kid I had asthma till 12 years old. and now it's back. and it is really my own fault because I picked up smoking (since.... 2008 december. on and off). and tonight I rolled my ankle during a basketball game and tomorrow I have work at 5:30am. this month is just bad.... bad... bad month.

I'm just.. really tired.

I'm tired. I'm tired from being in toronto and all the stress this city gives. ∴ i miss west coast.. the fireworks, the view, the mountains, the water, my car, and the stree-free summer.

I'm tired. I'm tired from all the goals that I set for myself. That's why a lot of time I just want to quit school.

I'm tired. I'm tired from all the expectations from my very hardcore asian family.

I'm tired. I'm tired from working so much. I really shouldn't be but I don't know what to tell my boss.

I'm tired. I'm tired from keep pushing myself in academic.

I'm tired. I'm tired from crying inside. because if i cry outside then i'm just fucking too weak.

I'm tired. I'm tired from the stress this school gives to me.

I'm tired. I'm tired from being in the city.... I would rather be in a farm where I can grow one kind of fruit and make them into wine and still make shit load of money so I can afford a big house with big backyard in the countryside.

I'm tired. I'm tired from the weather.

I'm tired. I'm just... really tired.

I am FINALLY a day time person... sorta.

So after one solid year, I am finally a day time person!! I mean, I am able to wake up at around 9 AM by alarm clock, or even myself! After last week's self training, late to work and classes, even my boss has not been happy with me... I sleep at around 4am and wake up at 9am. I would feel really tired around noon but as soon as it pass 3pm, I would feel fine again and be able to attend classes and study after classes. This is awesome :) very awesome! good start in 2010.

BTW, I'm so closed to moving out of chinatown. That means I will achieve another new year resolution! Talked with my mama and worked out a deal. If my grades are up to 70% at the next eco100 midterm(which is 2 weeks, and i've been working on it) and math quiz, she will increase my budget and I will be moving out of chinatown! I'm currently seeing College Park Suites and Pantages Hotel. They are both really nice. I would like to live in Pantages Hotel but there is no patio, in the other had, College Park Suites has a bigger bachelor with a large patio and cheaper price... and closer to school. Pantages Hotel would be nice tho.. The bachelor condo is above Pantages Hotel but it is separated from the Hotel itself, should be really nice.

The Motivation For Me Is...

....'em fuckers telling me what I could not be.

fuck off.

Happy New Year With Happy New Year Resolutions

I stopped making new year resolutions for a while now, something like 4 years, because I realized I only achieved approximately half of my resolutions. But!! I did not make anything happen in those 4 years of no-resolution, so I just realized, in my shower, that I might as well start making my new year resolutions because achieving half of resolutions is better than no achieving anything at all.

So here it goes...

1) become a professional DJ, in the other word, make my name a bit bigger than it is right now. (this gotta happen in 2010!)

2) find a part-time job as a DJ wether in a club or stores, etc.

3) Create a DJ name suitable to me as this career goes..

4) Save more than $5,000

(I invested all my savings into my DJ equipments so now I'm starting with $0.. but good thing it's only January and I saved $1,400 so far.. from red pocket money and working)

5) STAY IN UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO

6) score perfect on either a quiz, a midterm, or a final

(this is optional I suppose... but try anyway)

7) No more major failures in my academic life

8) Do not find myself anymore bullshit. altho they did make me stronger.

9) No more animal dying in front of my eyes

10) Donate or be a volunteer of something, and I gotta try my best to find extra time and money

11) Convince my dad to buy me a condo........ (write a speech, a very convincing speech, get it done before I turn 20, and say it to him!)

12) Fix my car (this is probably not going to happen... ICBC insurance estimated the cost to fix my car is around $4,000. But whatever, try anyways.)

13) Do research on starting my own business with dad

14) Do research on real estate in Toronto, so I can... (see #11)(so get it done before I turn 20...)

15) Bring my brother to do volunteering for rescuing animals or cancer kids, either one.

16) Make sure my brother is doing volunteering on his own in a hospital, otherwise I am granted by myself to kick his ass. (I know I just put my brother on 2 of my resolutions but his goal is to get into med school but he doesn't know how hard it is, and he's a very weak boy... like I said, bullshit is blocked by my mom but she's only 1 person and there are 2 people: my brother and I)

17) Do better time management, in the other word, no more weird sleeping patterns.

18) this is going to be on the list of my future new year resolutions too... but, one day, I want to be able to say "Pappa I did it too!" while I look at my career.

19) Finally... move out of chinatown. Find a better place (on my own by myself would be extra nice, but if dad is convinced to buy me a condo.... I don't mind either).

hmm.. I should have 1 more to make it 20..

20) Fit "working out" and "practicing DJ" into my daily/weekly schedule along with "school", "study", and "work". In the other word, make this 5 things to be a daily/weekly routine

21) Find more time to call Grandpa, possibly the best man in this world.

screw making it to 20.. imma gonna make it to 25.. I got 12 months to achieve them, might as well make more.

22) Buy a new snowboard, or a just wax because I love my snowboard but it's cracking everywhere and scratching everywhere too...

23) Buy lotion, I made this because I can achieve this by tomorrow so I feel positive about my new year resolution, and that my skin is so dry it's cracking.

Did you make your resolution yet?